


His Little Black Box

by tennant_in_a_sauce_suit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Fluff, Gen, Incest, Possible Character Death, Self Harm, Wincest - Freeform, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-15 04:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1291462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tennant_in_a_sauce_suit/pseuds/tennant_in_a_sauce_suit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean finds out about Sam's cutting and Sam is afraid Dean will reject him</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Box

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first published fanfic so sorry if it isn't that good, one of my friends said I should start publishing so here it is. Also, this is being typed on my e-reader, so there might be some spelling errors. Sorry in advance

Sam slowly closed and locked the motel bathroom door behind him, little black box in hand. It was big enough to hold what he wanted, but small enough to be easily hidden in the duffel without Dean seeing it. He sighed and opened uo the box, revealing the razor blades he's kept over the years. Sam pulled one out, careful not to cut the tips of his fingers. He rolled up his left sleeve, scars from the past showing. The older ones had faded slowly, but some were still red from the past few days. Sam thought about what Dean would do or call him if he ever found out about this. His hands started shaking at the thought.

"Freak." "A Winchester would never do this." "How could you be so weak?"

Sam tried to get his hands to stop shaking as he brought the blade to his wrist. He had slid the blade across his wrist multiple times when he heard Dean walk into the motel. "Shit." He muttered under his breath as he desperately reached for thecmedical kit. He sloppily bandaged his cuts and threw his box and blade into the trash bin when he heard Dean knock on the door.

"Sammy, are you alright?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam runs off and Dean confronts him about the cutting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update, lots of homework and family troubles.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own them, if I did I would not be writing fanfiction right now.

Sam tensed up and roughly pulled down his sleeves, hiding the scars and bandages. "I'm fine, Dean. You're back early." Sam said as he opened up the door.

Dean gave Sam a strange look but it passed after a moment. "I didn't want to be out too late in case anything happened. I'm gonna take a shower. Don't do anything stupid, Sammy."

Sam gave a small smile. "It's Sam. And I won't." Sam moved out of the bathroom so Dean could get in, and sat on the edge of his bed. He listened to the running water, and after a minute or two it stopped. Sam knew immediately that that wasn't the right amount of time for Dean to take a shower. He realized what had happened in there (Dean found the box and blade) and Sam panicked, running out of the house. He heard Dean leave and call after him, but it was no use.

Sam continued to run until he heard Dean's Impala pulling up behind him and he sat on the edge of the road, curled into a ball.

"Deanimsorrypleasedontleave." "Deanpleasestayimsorry."

Dean kneeled in front of Sam and put a hand on his knee, causing Sam to curl into a tighter ball. "Hey, hey, Sammy, it's alright. Come on, let's get back to the motel."

Sam got up and into Dean's car without a word, avoiding his gaze. He stared out the window the whole time on the way to the motel, tuning out the radio and Dean. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor as Dean went and got the medical kit from the bathroom, bringing it by the bed. "Look at me, Sammy." Dean gently tried to push Sam's head up, but Sam refused. Dean rolled up both of Sam's sleeves, and tried to re-bandage the cuts.

Sam tugged his arm away from Dean's grip and turned away from him, facing the wall. He sat criss cross on the bed with his hands in his lap, staring at them blankly.

Dean sighed and sat next to Sam on the bed. "Sam, please let me bandage them. They won't heal properly if you don't."

"Fine." Sam mumbled quietly and put his arm in Dean's lap so he could bandage them.

"How long have you been doing this?" Dean asked, eyes focused on bandaging the cuts.

Sam waited a moment before replying. "A few years."

"Don't lie to me, Sam."

"Since I was twelve." Sam replied, keeping his hand on Dean's lap even though Dean had finished bandaging the cuts.

"Twelve?! Sam, why?"

"It started on the first day of sixth grade."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I portrayed Dean correctly, if there's anything you would suggest me to change up feel free to comment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about late update, didn't have a lot of time to write at all
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, wish I did

"I was the smartest kid in the class, although I never talked to anyone much. People started teasing me at recess because I was in the shade reading instead of playing with the other kids. It was just one kid at first, then his friends came over. They started to hit me, and call me names. I refused to talk for the rest of the day. When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom, took apart one of dad's razors and cut. It happened nearly every day. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of what you would do, so I never told you. Hoped you would never find out. Well, it's a bit late for that."

Sam pulled up his sleeve and looked at the old scars. Dean pulled the sleeve back down and pulled Sam's head up. "Promise you'll talk to me next time you want to cut?"

Sam nodded and laid down on the bed, curling up into a ball. Dean kneeled next to him and moved a stray piece of hair from his face. "Do you want me to sleep next to you in this bed tonight?"

"Could you?" Sam looked up at dean as he said it.

"Of course." Dean pulled Sam's head up and kissed him lightly before undressing into his boxers and laid down next to Sam. Sam did the sam and curled into a ball, nuzzling his face into Dean's shoulder just like he did as a child, after he'd had a nightmare. He soon fell asleep, and so did Dean.

After a few hours, Sam had a small nightmare and woke up coveredin sweat. He slowly got out of Dean's arms and got off the bed, searching through the weapons bag for a knife. He didn't hear the soft squeak of the bed or Dean walk over until Dean's hand wrapped around the wrist holding the knife. "No, Sammy. You promised." Dean slowly pried Sam's hand open and made him drop the knife before sitting him on the bed. "I have an idea. Stay here."

Dean left tge motel room and came back a few minutes later with a bowl full of ice. He sat behind Sam and grabbed one of his arms, dragging a piece of ice where old scars used to be. Sam tensed and tried to pull away, but Dean kept his grip and continued to drag the ice across, occasionally letting the water drip as if it were blood. "Next time just wake me up. If it were for this reason then I wouldn't mind being woken up early."

"Alright." Sam pushed Dean's hand off and wiped the water off of his arm before laying back down on the bed. "Dean?"

"What is it, Sammy?"

"Have you ever cut before?"

Dean sighed and sat down on the bed. "A while ago. It was after that one fight with dad, when once he was done yelling at me he grabbed you and started to yell at you too. After I had comforted you and you fell asleep, I locked myself in our bathroom and sliced my arm all the way up. I blamed it all on myself, for not being able to get dad away from you. Almost wasn't able to stop the bleeding. It happened a few more times, whenever I wasn't able to get you away from him." Dean turned his arm over to show Sam the multiple scars running up his arm.

"It wasn't your fault, Dean."

"I was the one watching you at the time, I always got you away from him."

Sam sighed. "I don't want to argue tonight. Let's just get back to bed."

Dean crawled into the bed next to Sam and kept a hand over Sam's chest, waiting for him to fall asleep before he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ!!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!
> 
>  
> 
> This one is based before all hell breaks loose part one, doesn't matter where else, just before then. When you get to Dean's point of view, it's him talking. Sam's point of view there is a journal entry.

Dean woke up before Sam in the morning, and left to get some breakfast for the two of them. He came back about ten minutes later to Sam sitting up on the bed. "I got breakfast." He put the bag on the table and the two ate in silence for a bit, until Sam spoke up.

"I found a case around here. Seems like just a salt and burn, shouldn't take long."

Dean finished quickly and put on his coat. "Let's go."

Sam followed suit and got into the passenger seat of the Impala.

Dean noticed how quiet Sam was being and turned to look at him. "You doin alright, Sammy?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." 

Dean pulled up to the cemetary and they both got out with their shovels.

A few hours later

Sam threw open the motel door and stormed in, throwing his bag on the table.

"Sam, calm down!" Dean put his bag on the table and stood in front of Sam.

"No, I am not going to fucking calm down! A child died today, Dean, and I could have saved her!"

"Sam, you would have died if you tried to save her!"

"I don't care! She had a family to look forward to seeing every day, a house to live in! She had it better than me, so she should still be alive!"

"Sam, there was nothing you could do!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Sam turned to the weapons bag and dug through it, searching for a knife.

Dean immediately realized what Sam was doing and snatched the bag away from him. "No, Sam."

Sam turned around and punched Dean in the jaw before grabbimg a knife and storming out of the motel room.

"SAM!" Dean tried to run after Sam but he was too slow, so he ran back to the motel and grabbed the car.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sam ran until he reached an alleyway far from the motel and sat down, anger and grief flowing through his veins. He took the knife and ran it up his arm, in the exact spot where Dean's cuts were placed. Sam cut twice on each arm, stopping when he nearly hit a vein. His vision started to go blotchy after a while, and he could vaugly see Dean in front of him with tears running down his cheeks, dragging him into the car.  
A long while later  
Sam's vision was blurry when he first woke up, but he saw Dean's brilliant emerald green eyes looking down at him. Dean was saying something and he couldn't hear him, but easily made out the words. 'I almost lost you.'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sam was awake and sitting up about an hour after he first woke up.

"Your heart stopped after a few minutes. They almost gave up. You could've stayed dead, Sam." Dean hadn't looked at Sam since he woke up.

"I know." Sam was staring at his hands as he spoke.

"Sam, never do this again. You scared the living shit out of me."

"Alright." Sam looked at Dean for the first time since he woke up, and realized he was holding an ice pack to his jaw. "Sorry about that." He mumbled.

"It's fine. You were angry."

"It's not fine, Dean. I don't like hurt- agh!" Sam could feel a migrane coming on and he leaned forward, head in his hands.

Dean dropped the ice pack and rushed to Sam's side. "Sammy, Sammy what is it?"

Sam groaned as images flashed through his head.

(Sam's POV)  
Dean's been gone for a few days now. I called Ellen, even Ash can't find his location. I've done so much research, there's no lore on what could've taken him. I haven't slept. I'm sure it might have been the yellow-eyed demon, but it also could have been just a random insane person. I think he's not dead, but of course I can't be sure. We were at a motel when it happened, we had an argument and he stormed off to take a walk. Didn't come back. I'm sorry Dean. I'm trying. I really am. SW

(Dean's POV)  
"I'm sorry Sam. I've tried to fight him off, but it was nearly impossible. I'm too weak now. I'm sure i'll die here, but just keep looking. I don't know where I am, but i'm sure you'll be able to find me. I'm sorry, Sammy."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sam gasped for air as he came out of his vision state, looking up at Dean.

"Sam, Sam what was it?" Dean asked, worry etched on his face.

"It-it was nothing. Let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very last chapter of this fanfic, thank you for everyone that has read it and hopefully didn't think it was shit. There is a character death in this chapter, just a warning.

"Sam, that was obviously a vision. What was it about?" Dean asked about an hour later while they were in the car. Sam was in the passenger seat, drawing the house he saw in the vision on a piece of paper from the motel.

"It was nothing."

Dean pulled the car to the side of the road and looked at Sam. "You've barely spoken since you came back from that vision. What. Happened." He said sternly.

"Y-you were in it. From what I saw, you had gotten kidnapped and wasn't able to fight away the person who had taken you. J saw a page of a journal that looked I writing in it throughout you being gone. Then it switched to where you were, tied up in a chair in a house." Sam showed Dean the picture of the house he had been drawing throughout the trip.

"I know where that is." Dean pulled the car back onto the road. "It's in Ohio, but if I couldn't fight off the person that took me in the vision then we shouldn't go."

"Are you sure? We could always just bust in when it-or they-are not expecting it." Sam said as he continued to work on the drawing, another piece of the vision nagging at the back of his mind.

"No. It could be too dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Alright. Let's just get to a motel. I'm tired."

Dean quickly found a motel nearby and got them a room. Sam fell asleep quickly and so did Dean, but Sam woke up during the middle of the night when he heard something outside. He grabbed a gun and cautiously left the motel room, searching around for whatever was the source of the noise. He had gone around the side of the motel and put his gun away when he was attacked from behind. 

Sam grunted and tried to throw the thing off of him, but it was too strong.

"This is when I regret putting away my gun." Sam felt the werewolf get on top of him and slash  at his chest-stomach area. The wolf got off of Sam and ran away as Sam started to cough up blood.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dean woke to the sound of someone struggling outside, and immediately realized that Sam was gone. "Sam!" Dean rushed outside with a knife and tried to find Sam. "Sammy, Sam where are you?!" Dean soon found Sam bleeding out behind the motel. "SAM!" 

"D-Dean..." Sam managed to get out, blood rushing out of his wounds and mouth.

Dean somehow got Sam into the car, worry pumping through his veins. "Sam, Sam I need you to talk to me." 

"Dee- can't- breath." Sam choked out between gasps of breath.

"It's alright, Sammy, you're going to be alright." Dean  rushed over to a hospital nearby, Sam immediately going into surgery. Dean paced around for a few hours in the waiting room while he waited for the results from the doctor.

Soon after, a nurse came out asking for Mr. Smith. Dean rushed over. "Is my brother going to be alright?"

"I'm sorry to say this, but he is still in critical condition at the moment. He slipped into a coma as the surgery went through, but   we aren't sure if he'll wake up. The cuts on his stomach punctured one of his lungs. We were able to patch him up, but like I said, we aren't sure if he'll wake up. You can come see him if you'd like."

"What room."

"696." 

"Well ain't that just convenient." Dean muttered before walking toward the elevators. "I'm coming, Sammy."  
    
Dean quickly found Sam's hospital room and sat next to his bed. "Hey, Sammy. I-I know this wasn't your fault that this happened, and I really hope you wake up. The werewolf punctured one of your lungs, and the doctors were able to patch you up, but they aren't sure if you'll wake up." Dean grabbed one of Sam's hands and swallowed a sob.

Dean was wandering around the hospital when he saw a few nurses and doctors running toward Sam's room. He quickly followed and looked in the doorway to see what was happening.

"He's not breathing." One of the doctors told to the nurse.

Dean watched as Sam's heartbeat slowed to a stop and the doctors tried to restart his heart but were unable to.

"Time of death: 9:50 AM." A doctor said as Dean slid down the wall to the floor.  He had his head in his hands as one of the doctors tried to get him to stand up, but he shoved him off and felt tears running down his face.

"Sammy..."  
            Around the next day  
Dean was in a motel room with Bobby, drinking a beer.

"You're going to have to bury him, Dean."

"I know. Not here, though. I want to bury him next to mom."

"Well it's a good thing we're already in Illinois. Greenville isn't that far from here, maybe twenty minutes."

"Let's go then." Dean picked up his coat and went out to his Impala. They drove to the cemetery where his mom was buried in Greenville, and buried Sam's body next to his moms. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I wasn't able to look after you like dad wanted. I'll hunt down the thing that killed you, and that's a promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Soeey about the short chapter, I couldn't find a good place to end so it had to be there. If possible, please comment on ways that I can change things around a bit.


End file.
